Finally learning to be afraid of the right thing

"But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through."

- Francis Chan, Crazy Love, p. 124

I have always lived a comfortable life. Sure, circumstances in my life were hard, but they were things that happened to me, not things that I entered into of my own accord. This somehow made the hard easier for me.

College was full of a mix of required and voluntary reflection on my life's journey. Because of this, I entered adulthood able to clearly see that there has been a strong cord running through my life that has both screamed and whispered of God's faithfulness. Praise God, and I don't know why, but I have just always had a sense that God was with me and I would be okay. Not in terms of my circumstances, but in terms of my soul in a Psalm 62:1-2 kind of way.

So why, with this rich and real understanding of God's great faithfulness, steadfastness, mercy, and ability to reconcile all things for His glory, was I still actively and passively choosing to live comfortably? So many reasons. Big ones were laziness, blindness, loving the things of this world, and fear. But in these last two years, we've jumped head first into God's call to build our family through adoption (via foster care), and it has been both the hardest and the best thing we've ever done.

And let me be clear, I use the word "done" loosely. We are very aware that we are not doing this on our own strength. From the beginning, we thought of real and imagined hurdles and said: "God, if we heard you right, then we know you'll make this happen." And He totally did! Every. single. hurdle. GONE! And we went into this journey with eyes wide open, which helped us know it was wise to declare from the start that we'd need God to help us through each day.

So we jumped in, trusting that God would equip us. And He has! But it hasn't been the way I wanted. I wish I had amazing amounts of wisdom, perspective, patience, energy, etc. that I just don't have. Instead, He gives me just enough wisdom to know that I totally need Him to do this parenting gig well. It doesn't matter how many conferences we go to (by the way, this conference is amazing), books we read (I'm soaking this one up right now), specialists that help our child and us, God reminds us that while these things are all great, what we really need most is full and utter dependence on Him. Dependence for each moment, and for our child's present and future.

And God has been teaching me another beautiful lesson through it all: Rather than being weary at the fact that this isn't easy to do on my own, I am to be thankful that I need Him all the more (see 1 Thess. 5:18)! I need Him to come through for me every day, sometimes in each moment of the day when it's really tough. And you know what, He is here! He is present! He is teaching me and growing me in ways that hurt, but that I know I need! He is refining me in the fire, and while I sometimes feel all burnt up and used up, I mostly feel made anew. 

Best of all, I am not afraid of what life throws me, and have become afraid of living comfortably. I never, ever want to go back to living in such a way where I mistakenly think life is all about my small world and that I can do it on my own. This life of complete trust is so much richer! I am starting to get, at a gut level, the truths that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength & that apart from Christ I can do nothing (nothing that really matters anyway), and I want to keep learning. I want to keep growing in love and dependence on God.

Are you comfortable? If so, I encourage you to ask God to show you how He wants you to fully trust in Him. Ask and trust God to show you the places where He has uniquely made you and will equip you through His strength to do good works for Him, but where He needs you to jump in head first and trust Him. For the first time, this is where I'm at, and let me tell you that despite the toughness it is a beautiful place to be! Let's journey in this place together and keep each other on this less traveled road!!