Sarai and Hagar and me

Genesis 16 got me today! So many gems in such a small chapter!!

For one, God reminded me how much I am a lot like Sarai (eventually Sarah), and how He is still so good to her and to me.

Sarai:

• Forgets the promise that God gives to her family, namely that God will provide Abram a son from his own body
• Tries to do things her way on her own strength, giving her Egyptian maidservant Hagar to Abram to conceive them an heir
• Gets frustrated when her plan doesn't work out, sadly despising and mistreating Hagar

How often do I forget the promises God makes in His word? Promises that are mine and yours and good and true and hard. How often do I get impatient with God's timing and try to take matters into my own hands, with an "I need to get this figured out now" attitude? How often do I get frustrated when I fail in my own strength, and instead of reflecting and repenting and binding myself to God, get mad, get stuck, take it out on myself, or take it out on others? Sadly, so often!

But praise God for His incredible grace! He fulfilled His promise to Sarai and Abram despite their shenanigans, and I can name a gillion ways he's blessed me despite myself. Sarai reminded me today of how good God is, how generous He is, how He is faithful to His promises, and how I can trust Him with my life in the big and small.

And Hagar, oh man did I learn from her...! She runs at the hands of Sarai (who wouldn't?!), and God, in His great mercy and kindness, pursues her and converses with her. Then something crazy happens: He tells her to go back to Sarai, who is mistreating her, and to submit to her. Whaaat? Then promises to bless her, and says some nice and not so nice things (like that her son will be a wild donkey of a man and will live in hostility toward all his brothers). I think about what I would do. Probably be ungrateful. "Thanks for showing up God, I care that you care. But seriously - go back? No way! And I'll take the increase my descendents part, but don't you have a better deal for my son? That's a little rough...! I appreciate you seeing me and all, but this is not the help I had in mind from you..." But not Hagar. She listens to God, accepts His speaking into her life, and in her amazement at God noticing her in her misery, says "You are the God who sees me" period. No whining, kicking or screaming is recorded. No ungratefulness either.

This part easily sticks with me: God noticed Hagar's misery and met her as she ran. I can remember times when God has done this for me. And I am instantly humbled and grateful!! What a good God we serve! The God who sees us! The God who notices us in our pain and in our running and pursues us and sweeps us into His arms of protection and love!

But I am keenly aware that this part also needs to stick with me: God's love and protection can also look like telling us hard truths that are good for us, even when they aren't what is in our plan, or what we want to hear, or what seems all that good at first glance. God tells Hagar to return to the very thing she is running from. The Bible doesn't say much about what happens, we just know Hagar listens to God and obeys. But I think I know how Hagar does this hard thing, because God is doing it for me right now. Knowing that God loves and sees me and is my comforter is giving me the strength I need to step into the hard things He is asking me to do. Does the hard stuff make sense? Not always, especially in the midst of the hard! But when we, like Hagar, see the One who sees us, we know He is good and has our good in mind. We know He is love and mercy and grace and justice. We know He is and always will care for us. So we willingly step back or deeper into the hard places He calls us to be, and cling to Him. If it were up to us, we'd run. But doing what He asks us to do in His strenght and under His protection is such a better plan. Sarai shows us where doing things our way and not waiting on God gets us... Isn't Hagar's way better? God is faithful to the promises He makes them both, and Hagar has to do something tough... But she does it with the big truth lovingly wrapped around her that her pursuer is the God who sees her. Knowing God sees me and loves me makes all the difference for me!

In the challenging areas and seasons of our lives, let's cling to One who sees us and asks us to go through it. Let's trust that He will see us through it and find peace in His love, provision and protection! Let's remember that He is faithful! He's been faithful to Sarai, to Hagar, and He is faithful to us. Praise be to our God, even when the path makes no sense and is just plain tough! He is tougher. And He makes us tough enough.

Living in the truth of Jesus' generosity

This Easter, and really this month, have been a new look at business as usual. I've been doing some much needed self-scrutinizing about how I'm doing life. But I needed an anchor for my reflections, and I found it in this question: "Is what you're living for worth Christ's death?"

I've been reading Jen Hatmaker's 7 and Helen Lee's The Missional Mom. I've been reading the Word of God, which says a lot about money and the least of these. I've been reading my favorite blog Flower Patch Farm Girl, and Shannan is all about missional living. I've been thirsting and hungering for more of God in my life and seeing Him everywhere and in everything and in everyone and really working in me. And through all of this, I see that something has been missing. And it is like what Shannan talks about here and Jen does in month 6: spending, esentially an eyes wide open realization that the way I am spending myself misses the point.

I've found myself on a Spirit-led journey that has brought me back to my roots. But in the returning, I've seen how my roots were just a shadow of the way things should be. Like this saying I've had on my fridge for a while. Part is my bullet point wording from some document from the City of Berkeley, part what I added:

Before I buy, can it be: reduced? reused? resold? repaired? rebuilt? refurbished? refinished? recycled? composted? do I need it? MAKE PURCHASES THAT FIT YOUR VALUES!!!

Jen summarizes my latest life lesson for me: God is about "generosity and underconsumption" (p. 157). I used to be so good at the underconsumption part. And it was a good thing. But it was for my sake (to pay down debt), or for creation's sake (to use less resources). I was missing generosity and the real reason for choosing to sacrifice the want for more comfort, more fun, more, more, more! And so I find myself now with a strong desire to underconsume again, but not for the same reasons. Now my heart is about being generous because Jesus was and is so generous with me. This Easter season it has really hit home that He has filled me with His extravagant love at the cost of His sacrifice and obedience on the cross. And His love has filled me so much (seriously, thank you, Jesus!) that I am seeing the need to likewise be obedient and sacrifice, all for love. Love for my Savior, and love for my neighbor that He has put in my heart rather than what I've mustered up on my own.

This Easter, Jesus is reminding me that life isn't about me. It is about Him, His love, His working in my life, His working in His world. He is teaching me anew about His amazing generosity on the cross, and how He asks (um, actually, tells) me to be generous in return. And not just with my things, or with my money, but all of my life. He wants all of me poured out and hungering for all of Him! And when I give Him all of me, I experience how He fills me. And when I'm filled with Him, the pouring out He examples and asks His church for (see the amazing book of Acts) just happens. I stop living like a Pharisee and start living like a disciple. And it isn't about sacrifice for sacrifice's sake, or out of self-love, or protection, or fear (save the planet!), or out of duty, or of general goodwill. But of love born of being the recipient of ridiculous mercy and grace from the most amazing person I know!

Thank you, Jesus, for dying for crazy ol' me! For pouring yourself into me! For giving me new and abudant life! For asking me to share of your abundance with others! Help me not to loose this lesson. Deepen this new understanding in me! And Jesus, help me to see where you are at work around me. Help me to prioritize my time, energy, money, and passions around your kingdom. Help me to breathe in deeply Matthew 6, serving you instead of money (or hobbies, or work, or self, or family). Help me to drop worrying and being busy about my own life, but instead to realize that you are my source of life. Help me to seek first your kingdom and trust in your provision for my true needs.