Living in the truth of Jesus' generosity

This Easter, and really this month, have been a new look at business as usual. I've been doing some much needed self-scrutinizing about how I'm doing life. But I needed an anchor for my reflections, and I found it in this question: "Is what you're living for worth Christ's death?"

I've been reading Jen Hatmaker's 7 and Helen Lee's The Missional Mom. I've been reading the Word of God, which says a lot about money and the least of these. I've been reading my favorite blog Flower Patch Farm Girl, and Shannan is all about missional living. I've been thirsting and hungering for more of God in my life and seeing Him everywhere and in everything and in everyone and really working in me. And through all of this, I see that something has been missing. And it is like what Shannan talks about here and Jen does in month 6: spending, esentially an eyes wide open realization that the way I am spending myself misses the point.

I've found myself on a Spirit-led journey that has brought me back to my roots. But in the returning, I've seen how my roots were just a shadow of the way things should be. Like this saying I've had on my fridge for a while. Part is my bullet point wording from some document from the City of Berkeley, part what I added:

Before I buy, can it be: reduced? reused? resold? repaired? rebuilt? refurbished? refinished? recycled? composted? do I need it? MAKE PURCHASES THAT FIT YOUR VALUES!!!

Jen summarizes my latest life lesson for me: God is about "generosity and underconsumption" (p. 157). I used to be so good at the underconsumption part. And it was a good thing. But it was for my sake (to pay down debt), or for creation's sake (to use less resources). I was missing generosity and the real reason for choosing to sacrifice the want for more comfort, more fun, more, more, more! And so I find myself now with a strong desire to underconsume again, but not for the same reasons. Now my heart is about being generous because Jesus was and is so generous with me. This Easter season it has really hit home that He has filled me with His extravagant love at the cost of His sacrifice and obedience on the cross. And His love has filled me so much (seriously, thank you, Jesus!) that I am seeing the need to likewise be obedient and sacrifice, all for love. Love for my Savior, and love for my neighbor that He has put in my heart rather than what I've mustered up on my own.

This Easter, Jesus is reminding me that life isn't about me. It is about Him, His love, His working in my life, His working in His world. He is teaching me anew about His amazing generosity on the cross, and how He asks (um, actually, tells) me to be generous in return. And not just with my things, or with my money, but all of my life. He wants all of me poured out and hungering for all of Him! And when I give Him all of me, I experience how He fills me. And when I'm filled with Him, the pouring out He examples and asks His church for (see the amazing book of Acts) just happens. I stop living like a Pharisee and start living like a disciple. And it isn't about sacrifice for sacrifice's sake, or out of self-love, or protection, or fear (save the planet!), or out of duty, or of general goodwill. But of love born of being the recipient of ridiculous mercy and grace from the most amazing person I know!

Thank you, Jesus, for dying for crazy ol' me! For pouring yourself into me! For giving me new and abudant life! For asking me to share of your abundance with others! Help me not to loose this lesson. Deepen this new understanding in me! And Jesus, help me to see where you are at work around me. Help me to prioritize my time, energy, money, and passions around your kingdom. Help me to breathe in deeply Matthew 6, serving you instead of money (or hobbies, or work, or self, or family). Help me to drop worrying and being busy about my own life, but instead to realize that you are my source of life. Help me to seek first your kingdom and trust in your provision for my true needs.