Ugly Areas

We all have ugly areas (Romans 3:23). Sometimes we know about them, other times they catch us by surprise.

Ephesians 5:8 says: For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! Praise God I'm not full of darkness any longer! But oh dear are there times when I don't live as a person of light, where the darkness in me is bigger than I'd like and I need to cry out for God's light to shine on those areas.

I am in the midst of such a caught by surprise time. And my ugly area: selfishness.

Here's how it went down: Something wasn't going my way. It didn't seem fair. I tried to lay my crabby thoughts to rest, but they kept coming back and the thoughts got bigger and bigger. I've been working on hiding God's words in my heart, and His words pierced me: I did not come to be served but to serve (Matthew 20:28). Wow! I listened for maybe all of 30 seconds though, and my thoughts got the best of me. Rather than serving, I served up some attitude. Ugly, ugly, ugly. And I'm still in the midst of the ugly. I'm not going to excuse it, or run away from it. I'm going to lay all of the ugly at God's feet and ask Him to continue to shine His light on my darkness and bring that dark place into His light and under His authority.

Here's the cool thing, the thing I'm banking on to get me through this ugly: The Lord will see me through this! Rather than trusting in my own strength, which clearly didn't get me very far, I am trusting in the Lord! Check these verses out, verses that I am going to use to pray over this ugly area in me:

• The Lord turns my darkness into light (2 Samuel 22:29)
• ...my God turns my darkness into light (Psalm 18:28)
• Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell (Psalm 43:3)
• For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the light of life (Psalm 56:12-13)
• Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path (Psalm 119:105)
• I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them (Isaiah 42:16)
• He will bring me out into the light (Micah 7:9) -- Thanks Jedly Manimtim

While I don't know exactly how to rid this in me, praise God that He does! He will turn this darkness in me into light!

My prayer: Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24) Help me to have a heart to serve rather than be served. Help me to be a person of mercy and grace. Phillipians 2 rings in my ears! Help me to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility help me to value others above myself, not looking to my own interests but to the interests of others. Help me to do everything without grumbling or arguing. Help me to shine like a star for your glory in this world! I lay my selfishness at your feet. Thank you for knowing my heart! Thank you for loving me despite my ugly. Thank you for leading me and not leaving me to fix this on my own. Apart from you I know I can do nothing, and I thank you for bearing this fruit in me! Help me to be patient as you prune me God. (John 15) Thank you for bringing this ugly to light!